I am sorry if this story took a while to get out but I set up another challenge for myself. This time the whole story is being told entirely with dialog. There isn’t a narrative word in the whole 2700, not is a “he said”, “she said”. Hopefully that doesn’t disrupt the flow of the story too much. Enjoy.
The Cost of Love
“Good evening gentlemen, if you would all please take your seats. The opening portion of these sorts of talks would normally start with an introduction and a quick telling of my background to justify what I am presenting. I think you will forgive my interest in privacy and permit a pseudonym for our interactions. Once I had completed my research I sought out a discrete group of ad men, if such a thing exists. We went through a battery of titles to present the product with: DR. Love was deemed too derivative, DR. Cupid was too cutesy, DR. Fix-up sounded like an after school TV program. In the end we settled on DR. Link, so from this point forward, all referrals and interactions shall refer my organization and indeed myself as DR. Link.
You have all gathered here for similar reasons and you are all men of significant means. My services are not inexpensive but that is by design, the focus is on quality over quantity. Let’s be clear, I have the power to instantaneously and drastically improve each and every one of your lives, but this is a business and my own goal is the collection of money. Your goals however are quite different from mine. Despite your life’s financial successes, for whatever reason, your love lives have not been as rich.
Just because your job keeps you away for months at a time or you have put on a little weight doesn’t mean you don’t deserve the woman of your dreams. That is why you have gathered here, and turned to me.
What is love? Poets and artists have devoted lifetimes to a proper and complete description of the concept of love. I too have devoted great swathes of time, prying at the enigma that is love but I will tell you now, that I have cracked the code. I have solved the equation. I am no closer than the great bard himself to providing a definition that does it justice, but I can control it.
I can’t go deeply into my background without revealing clues about my true identity but suffice it to say that I am medical doctor and a PHD chemical engineer. Working in exile for years on end I have done the impossible, I have derived the chemical composition of love. Our body is made up of electrical signals and chemical reactions and after some research and testing I can now control with whom and how far someone falls in love.
Obviously this is a huge development and something that the outside world is unaware of. Their ignorance gives us autonomy to plan and set up love links without anyone knowing foul play was involved. In order to maintain that autonomy we need to limit the frequency of those connections and the number of people that know about the technique. The laws of economy of scale show that if our goal is profit and we sell a product with no competition, we should charge quite a premium. The cost associated with our services is in fact quite significant, that is why you find yourselves gathered amongst the financial elite. The individual price will be a case-by-case basis but the largest factor in the price will be the woman who has been chosen.
I can see the question on your minds, “Who can I choose?” The answer is essentially anyone, yes, even her. Have you ever met a woman who is in a relationship that doesn’t do her any good? Think about a woman whose husband or boyfriend is a drunk, or a cheat, or a gambler and is slowly destroying both of their lives. You ask the same question every time, “Why don’t you leave him?” The answer is always the same as well, “Because I love him.” If the naturally occurring phenomenon of love can make a woman so devoted to her man that she will put up with the ruin of her own life, imagine what the meticulously designed version is capable of. These women will do absolutely anything you ask of them, without question, if they think it will make you happy.
I will not share the specifics of our methods I don’t wish to be copied or incriminated. I will however state that they are very effective. Thus far the percentage of people that are immune to our technique is nearly negligible, on the off chance that you don’t get your first choice, you will receive a large discount on your second pick.
You may have read a certain book or watched a certain movie about custom tailored wives, we are not providing you with some form of robotic replicant of your intended spouse, this is the real fresh and blood woman. We just add an unyielding devotion to you and only you.
You have all heard enough of me blabbing on and on and hopefully we have peaked your interest. One of our reps will come around to your table and have a preliminary discussion to see if our service is the right fit for you and discuss who your intended might be. Once the basic details are covered, they will set you up with an appointment to speak to me personally so we can go over every step and know that we are on the same page. Processing times and price depend on the specifics but you will walk away from our meeting with a very good idea of the stakes. We leave wiggle room for the occasional incidental cost that could not be planned. All additional costs fall on you; if you don’t like that policy, feel free to speak to one of our competitors. Oh right, we don’t have any.”
“Hello Mr. Finch, my name is Representative 6, you may call me Rep 6 or simply, 6. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance. My role here is to establish the baseline of tombstone data for your file and prepare things for your final interview with Dr. Link.”
“My god you are a young man to be in this business. I have a few questions.”
“Discretion pays well Mr. Finch, there is a reason we present ourselves with a pseudonym, just as I feel it is safe to assume that Finch is not your real name. When you leave here and even when our business is concluded, if we should see each other in public… We’ve never met.”
“You have answered my most pressing question before I even asked it, I assume that comes up a lot. Where do we go from here?”
“I am glad I could put you at ease Mr. Finch, it’s a business doing pleasure with you. The next step is for me to ask you if you already have a specific woman in mind. Well Mr. Finch, do you?”
“Of course my boy, her name is Kimber Stacey, she is an up and coming fitness model, as my years pass on I find myself more drawn to the idea of youth and no woman I have ever met or seen embodies youthful energy quite like Kimber Stacey.”
“If she has any notoriety or following that will I’m afraid drive the price up but you seem like a man of means, I don’t imagine that will be a problem. We will also supply you with a backstory as to how you met and what you did to sweep her off her feet. People seeing a gorgeous young woman with a… more experienced man tend to simply assume that she is after his money and that is a safe place for their minds to go. Do you have any current connection with the target?”
“I have never met her in my life, she has an online workout video series that I have no issue with her carrying on while she is with me, as I want her to maintain the figure that caught my eye to begin with.”
“Ok that will be pretty easy, all you have to do is tell her that it would make you happy if she continued the workout videos and her devotion will kick in, making her more dedicated to the videos than ever before.”
“You are saying things I want to hear my boy, sign me up.”
“Sounds good Mr. Finch, you have a file in front of you, and once you have filled out the initial paperwork we can book you in to see Dr. Link. What is the other folder here on the table? Ah, you have already collected some information on Kimber Stacey, that is most kind of you and will make the process that much quicker. Our own team will get her schedule locked down and figure out the best extraction point to do the procedure and insertion point to make sure that the two of you meet in a story that you can tell people who ask.”
“You are very good at your job 6, I filled out the paperwork while Dr. Link was talking, how soon can I meet with him.”
“Let me check his schedule, he is sticking around for clients as decisive as yourself, he has an opening in about an hour. Please help yourself to the open bar and refreshment table while you wait. I think you are the best client I have ever had; I thank you for your time and for your interest in Dr. Link. Have a great day and enjoy your life with Kimber Stacey.”
“Thank you young man, I appreciate this more than you know.”
“Jim 4, is my next appointment ready?”
“Yes Sir Dr. Link, would you like me to send Mr. Finch in Sir?”
“Yes, send him in.”
“Hello Dr. Link, I must say up front that your presentation was most interesting and Representative 6 was very helpful in ironing out the details. I am impressed with how efficient and professional your organization is.
“Than you Mr. Finch, we cater to the best of the best so it behooves us to be the best at what we do. It is my complete pleasure to meet you. Representative 6 delivered your file and it seems everything is in order, in the intermediate time my team has done some preliminary research and it looks like we will be able to accommodate your request for this Miss. Kimber Stacey.”
“You impress me again, that is fabulous news. I have a side question that my curiosity won’t let me leave unasked.”
“Please.”
“I understand the need for secrecy in altering the names of yourself and your representatives, but why is your secretary called Jim 4?”
“All secretaries here are called “Jim”, they are then ranked based on their performance at an annual review. Jim 1 manages all the secretaries; the others are in the pool of workers. This same man was Jim 2 last year. Despite his demotion I kept him on as my secretary since we have built a good working relationship.”
“Your innovations know no bounds, down to business then. How much do you want and when can I meet my new wife?”
“Our team worked out the numbers and our estimate is a million dollars even, but on the plus side you should be able to meet her in as little as three weeks.”
“You charge a steep price Dr. Link but the product you promise is unlike anything else in the world.”
“Then it’s a deal?”
“Shake my hand doctor and call me when I can meet my Kimber.”
“Alright boys, I know it seems a bit stereotypical to be in a covered van, driving to kidnap a woman, but you’ve all done it before. I’m running this OP so my name with be “ONE”, driver you are “TWO” and guess what? Third man on the job, your name will be “THREE”. She will be coming out of the gym in 10 minutes and once she has bought her coffee she will walk past this alley. Our team has been tracking her for a week and her routine is fairly locked in. As mentioned she will have a hot coffee so THREE, your job will be to neutralize the coffee. As a bonus, if at all possible try to preserve the coffee; I haven’t had mine yet today. The priority remains to be quick, grab the girl, get her in the van and get out of here.”
“Here she comes.”
“Good eyes TWO, ok gentlemen, be ready… Go! Go! Go!”
“Man, she is strong.”
“Ouch”
“My balls!”
“AH, she got me with the coffee!”
“Get her in the damn van! We’ll neutralize her inside. This is causing a scene… Close that damn door! Drive!”
“She’s still fighting.”
“Get the injector.”
“Damn, she just knocked out THREE… Calm down lady… Ha! I got her; she’s unconscious. That was easily the most difficult acquisition I have ever been on. I will attempt to wake up THREE.”
“As you can see all three women are still unconscious. These three injectors contain the active substance created by Dr. Link; he will be here shortly to administer the procedure personally. The three of you are here so that you are the first person that the women see once they have been injected, that locks you in as the target of their affection. Mr. Finch, Kimber is there on the left, I suppose I don’t need to clarify that, I am sure you all know who you ordered.”
“Is everything prepared?”
“Ah, Dr. Link, I was just explaining the process to our esteemed clients. Everything is ready for you Sir.
“Very good then let’s proceed at once, I have a tee time to get to. Gentlemen if you would please stand to the left side of the bed that your respective woman is laying on. Once I inject them it may take a minute or two, but they will wake up. The first person they see will be the one their love keys in on. The process is similar to love potions from old movies and plays but this stuff actually works… Ok I am ready, Mr. Finch we will process Miss Stacey first, are you ready?”
“I can’t wait!”
“What?!?”
“AH”
“No, please, don’t do it. NNOOOOOO.”
“Look at me Dr. Link, look into my eyes. My name is Kimber Stacey and I have been awake for almost an hour. I listened to you and your team explain how this substance works and why you have kidnaped us. Now I know how to employ it to defend myself and make sure this never happens again. I have injected you and as I am the first person you have seen since, you will be eternally devoted to me. You will do anything and everything I say, without questions. Is that right?”
“Yes my love.”
“Kimber, what have you done?”
“Shut up Mr. Finch, whoever you are. I did to him what you were going to do to me. Now he is my little love slave, but don’t think I am through with you. Link! Give me another injector.”
“Whatever you say my dearest darling buttercup.”
“Cut the cutesy stuff, I want matter of fact response from you.”
“Roger”
“I’m going to step out and inject those two security guards, if any of you fat bastards calls out first I will inject you instead. Everybody stay quiet and nobody gets hurt…”
“Oh good, you are here, you have a really nice office Dr. Link.”
“Thank you my love.”
“Have you finished making the antidote for the procedure you have used to trick all of these women?”
“Yes my love, I have done as you asked. Anything to make you happy.”
“Good, call those two security goons over.”
“You two! Find the women on this list, locate every last one of them and make sure that the process has been reversed. That should take you a few weeks.”
“Yes Madam.”
“Yes Madam.”
“Good work Dr. Link, but since you had the audacity to create something like this in the first place, I think it will be a long while before I choose to release you, if I do at all.”
“I would be my pleasure to be with you always and forever, my love.”
Multiversal Yarns 